Commitment and freedom are mostly perceived as contradictory. Thinking simplistically, commitments may seem like a limitation on our freedom. Our culture, our family… even our language supports this idea.
After conducting a semantic search, what I found out was surprising.
Commitment is explained as ‘an obligation or promise that restricts one’s freedom of action’. It even has the alternate definition of ‘the official consignment of a person to a psychiatric hospital or prison’. There is clearly a negative connotation in these definitions of commitment. Who would want to restrict their freedom of action, anyway? Association of the word with ‘hospital or prison’ is far worse. I’ll admit, after reading it, I noticed my posture became slumped and my energy dipped.
Freedom, on the other hand, is described as ‘being allowed to do what you want to do. When prisoners or slaves are set free or escape, they gain their freedom.’ The definition of freedom gives a limitless sense of liberation, possibilities, and adventure,like the wind in an open field. This definition filled me with joy, positivity, and vitality.
Is freedom truly so fulfilling? What about goals, expectations, focus, and depth? Diving deeper into these terms, there is much more than meets the eye.
In my all-time favorite book by Stephen Covey, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, he talks about maturity through the lens of freedom and dependency. He even goes so far as to introduce the three stages of maturity with his Maturity Continuum.
Dependence. At some point in our lives, we have all been dependent upon someone else. As infants, we are dependent on our caregivers,but as we grow, we learn to take care of our needs, which brings us from dependence to the second stage, Independence. In this stage, we must take responsibility for our actions and understand the consequences. We generally associate this phase with freedom. However, real freedom comes with the third stage, Interdependence.
Interdependence is the act of supporting one another’s emotional and physical needs without demanding or controlling others. It symbolizes unity,indicating that we are committed to our needs and our relationships while also maintaining our interdependence. This is the healthiest relationship style in all aspects of life, from business to love, family, and friendship.
I believe commitment brings a deeper connection and quality to interdependent relationships. The more you open yourself, the more you uncover the hidden depths of your soul and learn about yourself through your relationships. This self-discovery also gives you power and freedom. Detached friendships, affairs, and one-sided relationships may feel free at first, but at the end of the day they are only distractions.
To me, so much of the loneliness of modern life comes because we have too many of these distractions.
Do you want to spend your time with these distractions? Do they really make you feel free? Or do you prefer the freedom and wisdom that your committed relationships offer?
Now, let’s shift our focus from interpersonal relationships to our relationship with ourselves. The questions here are: Are you committed to yourself? And are you free?
If self-actualization is important to you, you probably commit yourself to the things you want in life. This can apply to your work, your career goals, the book you want to write, or any art you may create. If you are committed, you need to focus and work when your friends are going out. You may miss gatherings with friends, nights out on the town, or some Netflix binges. At first you may feel stuck, less free than before .
However, this is only a short-term side effect. Imagine how you will feel when you finish the work you are committed to, how good the feelings of inner peace and satisfaction will feel. In the long run, this attitude will pay off and bring you longer lasting freedom. Commitment will allow you to build solid expertise in your profession, book your next role, or find your own style as an artist. From there, it’s only a matter of time until you advance your career, increase your options, and raise your standard of living.Being committed to what resonates with you enhances your freedom. You are fully and completely ‘in’, able to devote yourself to what you believe in and prioritize what you care for.
As Paulo Coelho states in Zahir, “Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose — and commit myself to — what is best for me.”
Can you think of anything more liberating than that?